My husband had to cash in a lot of his retirement funds to buy our house -- his regular savings having been largely committed to sending his sons to good colleges. (Remember, never get involved with anyone who has smart children. We ate a lot of pasta for many years).  It all came back after a while.

I'd try not to cash the whole thing in, just because of the tax hit you take, and especially now with the market so low. But yeah, there's a time to live and you're right, you can always make excuses for it.

That unabashedly sucks.  However; a) as Mr. Kenney says, this is not a done deal.  They have a serious treatment plan, and lots of people survive this now. I know a lot of women who've had these kinds off issues, and they remain alive and kicking. b) this is not the time to become more inert. This is the time she needs you to be an adult, to make decisions about your own life and to prove that she's done a great job with you.  The best thing that can happen to her (and perhaps the most encouraging) would be to have you demonstrate that you are someone she can take strength from. I'm sure you can.

If anything, this ought to redouble your resolve to move closer to the fam.

You must have a million thoughts going through your head right now, while at the same time feeling frozen and numb.  Take some time to absorb it all and think about your options.

I have a good friend whose father (who lived 6 hours away) was diagnosed with terminal cancer several years ago.  Around the same time his dad was diagnosed, my friend had been going through a big midlife thing, wanting to ditch the big high stress job and teach at a college instead.  Long story short, the news about his father was like a door opening, it made him finally act and soon after he quit the job and put the house up for sale and moved the family back to his hometown to be near his parents.  The decision wasn't without its problems, his house sat on the market for almost a year - his teenaged son deeply resented moving, but he got into a different career, one that he loved - and was able to spend lots of time with his father, well over a year.  For that alone, he considered the decision one of the best he ever made - and everything else (his son, finances) eventually sorted itself out.

I certainly don't know your situation well enough, what obstacles you're facing or if pulling up stakes and moving is something you could even manage at this point, most people justifiably can't, even in dire situations like this, no matter how much they want to but only you can answer that.  Just give yourself enough time to think things through, it'll come to you, what you need to do.  My heart goes out to you, switters.  I'm so glad you have such an embracing family of siblings.