by Michael Kenney - March 18, 2008
Just when you thought the political landscape couldn't get any more cluttered with rotting fetid carcasses, comes news of the resignation of President Michael Mukasey. The 50th president in the history of the United States spent a mere 9 days on the job before stepping down in the wake of allegations that he authorized the use of Snappleboarding on Mexican detainees at Guantanamo Bay's super secret Camp Jubilee Showcase.
'It was a stupid thing to do, and I take full responsibility for my actions. I understand now that the banning of waterboarding covered all forms of liquid, and the idea to use Snapple as a water substitute was mine and mine alone. I now see that the experience wasn't more nutritious and refreshing for the detainees, but was simply a nicer flavored form of drowning.' said the outgoing Mukasey.
The White House has seen 8 new presidents in the last 4 months, which is quite a change from the normal routine.
To review, upon George Bush's decision to resign in April, Vice President Richard Cheney was sworn in as the 44th president by Chief Justice John Roberts. Cheney's stay was cut short after 20 days by his fatal heart attack, and before VP nominee Paul Wolfowitz's official Senate confirmation. This of course led to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi's 1 week term as the country's 46th President before her resignation amid rumors that she lied about her age on a job interview in 1961.
Since President Pelosi hadn't so much as unpacked her Louis Vuitton luggage, let alone chosen a successor/running-mate, that paved the way for 46th President Robert Byrd, who had been the sitting President Pro Tempore of the Senate. While Roberts didn't openly complain about being trotted out for the 3rd time in less than 2 months, the frustration was clear on his face when President Byrd swore to 'preserve, protect, and defend the confederacy of the United States of West Virginia.' President Byrd resigned amid impeachment rumors after it was discovered that he had authorized the expenditure of $6billion in a no-bid contract given to the Kalvin K. Kwak Konstruction Kompany. (Kwak has repeatedly refused interviews about his claim to have 'laid over 296,000 miles of pavement in West Virginia.')
Vice Presidential hopeful David Duke stepped aside as well in a joint resignation rally held on the steps of the old courthouse in Charleston, attended by thousands of Johnsons.
Duke briefly addressed those gathered.
'What's white is whi...what's right is right ladies and gentleman. All I can say is this: I'm not going to say we didn't break a few rules, we did. But to indict us is to indict the entire government. And if you indict the entire government, you're really indicting our very way of life! Well, I for one am not going to stand here and listen while these people bad-mouth the United States of America. Gentlemen?' Claims of Duke's plagiarizing Otter's speech in Animal House have brought no response from the Byrd/Duke camp.
Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice became the 47th president, and first African American to sit in the Oval Office's big chair. (Not counting Powell's late night trips) Rice resigned in late June after deciding she can make more money as a private consultant without all the media intrusion into her personal life.
'Thanks for trusting me to be the president for these last weeks. It's been a terrific run, but it's time to move on to bigger and better things. I've decided I want to spend more time with my family,' said an emotional Rice as she boarded a flight for Monaco.
The order of succession then led to Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson, who technically was sworn in as the 48th President just prior to turning himself over to federal authorities on charges of corruption. 
Paulson currently awaits trial in Federal Court, his defense being that his $53million in combined 2005-2006 compensation from Goldman Sachs was entirely legitimate, which while averaging out to roughly $500,000 per week didn't include dental. Despite a net worth of over $700million, former president Paulson has asked for a public defender.
Robert Gates, George Bush's final, and also final former Secretary of Defense, was allowed to take the Oath of Office under an arrangement with both houses of Congress. Due to his connection to the Bush White House and its failed Iraq strategy, Gates faced immediate impeachment, and as such had 
agreed to tender his resignation at the official swearing in ceremony on the steps of the Capitol Building. (The Democratic House leaders were drafting the Articles, and strong support for the measure was expressed in the Senate, specifically by Senator Obama (D-Il) who had opposed the Iraq invasion from its inception.)
And that led to the swearing in of former President Mukasey 9 days ago, whose resignation has the entire world asking the same questions:
Have we ever gone 9 deep into our presidential bench before?
Who came up with this Order of Presidential Succession business?
And the big question everyone's asking today.....
Besides being the former Secretary of the Interior, who is President Dirk Kempthorne?
Michael Kenney is a Chicago contractor.